Sabatoge Me

Only a depressed and obsessed person truly knows about self-sabotage.  

Despite my last post, I saw myself in action tonight.  I was talking to someone who is sweet, tender, smart and giving. I judged them to be "just teasing me" when they sincerely complimented me.  I sabotaged the conversation from there and when I was done, I was so ashamed of myself I was in full anxiety mode.

Turns out, there is this thing in psychology called a critical inner voice.  It is formed in your childhood, when without realizing it, the stuff our parents or those close to us said, has a lasting effect.  It's not that hard to realize.  For example: One dad praises everything the younger daughter does.  The older daughter, the one that traditionally is the leader is forced to think: "What about me?"  The parent might compare test scores, athletic ability, the amount of friends one has compared to the other, it can go on and on.  I don't have any credentials on this, but, this parent stuff, along with what a child can see for themselves by seeing others doing things they can't-- can place a big damper on their well -being.  This goes on to effect the person for the rest of their lives.  It can really rev itself up in social situations with our insecurities going flying out of our mouths, in self-hate, or in other appearances. We pull out something nasty from our bag of tricks and used it, when we should have simply, said "thank you." I'm so sorry, my friend.  Can we talk about it tomorrow?
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#self-sabotage  #artist  #in pain  #jeopardize  #relationships

#bad parent
#self-hate