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Thursday, March 26, 2015

Turning Things Around

 How to think like a depressed person.

I thought you liked doing that. =  It makes me feel stupid.

I want you to come over. = Does that mean this year or next?

FWB =  I am just using you.

I want to go alone. =   What makes you think I would want your company?

Phone is hung up... =  (He/ She) can't wait to get off the phone with you.

My family means everything to me. = You don't matter.

We had a normal, loving family. = I wish I had your life.

 Or you say:

"I need some time, I am feeling down and what you said hurt my feelings."

Okay.  (Doesn't ask why, or show any desire to talk about it.)

"Call me back, I am BLUE."   No one calls.


I wish I could talk to someone about this.  I call no one.  I just hurt.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


It has been about seven weeks since I had my carpel tunnel surgery.  Oh how it's been slow to recover.  My FAULT of course!!  

Tomorrow when I go to my hand surgeon's, I will say:

Yes, I've been doing my exercises.

No, I haven't been sewing and crocheting until my hand goes numb.

Yes, I have been rubbing my scar to prevent permanent damage.

No, I know it is my dominate hand.

Yes, I am telling the truth.

No.  Uh- Oh.... well sort-of.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Really Big FearFul Thing

(See last posting)

The really Big Fearful Thing is...

I will never be completely well.  My brain's wire has frayed and I am so use to the cycle I don't know what to think anymore.

If I were a dancer I would be really good at dancing backwards, my romantic interest of years ago would move away, people I don't want to deal with wouldn't want my attention so much, I would wake up saying- what a great day to do something really  productive and I would have already made my lasting contribution to the world, and I could wear the clothes that are like pj's out in public and no one would care.

No REALLY  Being both depressed, sleepy, and having little motivation is no fun.

(Fill in your thought here.............)

I really want to do my hair up in dreadlocks.  It would go with my mood.

Oh and I miss all the sugar too.
                     I re-live my life with the crazy bullies, and remember the  (ME)
before all the harm was done.

Will the doctor acknowledge that the people will mental illness are hard to treat?
Will he think it's my job?
I don't like the groups, the agencies, the helping hand of any of them.  I don't fit in.
I know this because I was able to hide my mental state for years.  YES you  stupid nurse, you don't yell  "Do you have anxiety problem to me where everyone in the office can hear."

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Support Groups

I just don't get support groups, and they don't get me.

This week I have been doing some soul searching to find a support group I might like, so I started by going to a church group, then a support group for peeps with depression, and tonight, tried a meditation group. Frankly this odd ball can't sign on with any of them. 

I really caused a stir at the church. 
I ripped up the paper with my email address on it, and walked out after 45 minutes of singing songs with very bad lyrics. The church people couldn't believe anyone would walk out of their service.

#support  #groups  #church  #walkout  #conversation

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Baby Roots

I may be miserable, but I am strong.  
Or so goes my new motto.

This spring I am going to work on growing roots attached to my feet that will allow me to stand tall.

As an artist I love to create trees.

Fall Trees by C. Jeffers

 #growing  #activist    #positive