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Thursday, September 29, 2016


I understand deadlines.  They are those little things that I call the fine print at the end of applications. So why do I punish myself  with flirting with the deadline all the time?

Here is the latest version: Think AUCTION QUILT.

I can't allow myself to donate something I already have, I have to make something NEW.

I even listed the Title and the Price before the quilt was started. Now I am committed and it is due next week. So far, I spent time making lots of appliques, leaves of all types, a vase, table, and a wall treatment for my quilt that combines paint and layering. I will add more if time allows, but for now, will someone PLEASE tell me to wrap it up?

My foot is swelling from being down so much, and I know it is because I am in sewing position.

#art deadline  #flirting with the deadline  #time consuming  #making something new 
#art for auctions

Thursday, September 22, 2016


I am invited out to dinner tonight with two women I barely know. The one is the widow of my good friend who pasted away from cancer last February. He was a great man, my friend, and someone I loved and respected in so many ways. His partner, was his companion of thirty plus years, couldn't be more different from me.

Yet, we are working one being friends. When she came to see me in the rehab unit for my foot, she brought me the snacks I requested, but then also brought me a small compact mirror. This isn't a terrible idea, but she probably doesn't know I wear zero makeup and I haven't worn makeup since I stopped working four years ago. I am a plain Jane!

The other woman I barely know is also a widow and a former interior decorator. She met me a few years back at an art opening and I talked to her briefly. The next time, I was getting some artwork photographed by my friend and  he introduced me to her as this great quilter. She was sitting chatting to my friend and he said "Show them some of your quilts."  He was ALWAYS a great salesman for me. She has these big oversized glasses and she is always looking over them at you.  She is intimidating to me.

She ended up buying a small quilt and later had it framed I heard.

So what's the problem? I think the lady who bought my quilts absolutely thinks I am nuts- poor thing, and buying my quilt was an act of charity. I am nervous I won't have anything to talk to her about this evening, and that I will be judged as a flakey artist.  So I have to psych myself up for being "normal" and get rid of my brain fog- due to medication with my foot.

Today, I had a doctor's appointment with an eye doctor and I left "dilated." I was thinking it was no big deal, so I went to my car and drove home. Only at the first light, I was squinting to see the traffic and the sun was burning a hole in my eye. Too bad the brain fog wasn't fully kicked in to go with it.
Yes, I will have to tell myself, be normal, be normal, tonight at dinner.

This is the quilt.  CBJJ


#my quilt story  #intimidating  #buy art  #art buyer

Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Adventures with Mr. Wrong

Mr. Wrong has been MIA lately. After telling me he would come by to check on me after surgery, he(simply)hasn't. That is bad enough, but it has been one thing after another and the "B" word he always uses is he is  BUSY. 

--Ever seen that thing on the internet that says when a man tells you they are busy, it's just another word for being an "@ss...e." (Forgive me.) 

Anyhow today's discussion was that I told him that he was really showing signs of being depressed. His response: he agreed.

But Mr. Wrong has it all wrong. When I pressed him (via text) that he should get some help and possibly some medication, he said NO.  No to probably getting some help and no to pills.  He is content and satisfied with how things are.

I shared with him that I am currently more stable than ever. I have felt balanced and content in my head for nearly 9 months, and I am looking forward to this being a constant in my life. YAHHH for me. I see a therapist, medical doctor and take my medicine.
It is so strange to feel good, but it is also wonderful. Imagine me with a balanced head= not going into that VERY DARK place where negative past experiences play on re-wind. I never forgive myself, I think the worse, and  I am stagnant. I eat and sleep as much as possible and then sit around doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and thinking about things that I really can't do anything about anyhow.
I would rather make art.

Please link to:

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. You don’t care anymore about former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping.
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

  • -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    #mr.wrong  #crush me  #understanding depression  #ignoring depression   #art is therapy

    Wednesday, September 14, 2016

    Being an Artist

    Last night I took a clay class. We made clay heads. 

    Image result for clay heads sculptures

    It was taught by an artist friend who juggles about six
    part-time teaching jobs and Saturday night gig in a classy Seafood Restaurant.

    When they talk about starving artists, it is with smugness sometimes, so my friend the artist, is a testament to what artists have to do when passions run deep and pockets are on empty. But art is like that. I especially like this artist because she is always cheerful, inspiring, helpful, and works with very young children to adults, so again, she doesn't fit the stereo-type of being an artist who is brooding or inflexible.

    Last year, she volunteered for a local Puppet Theatre and because I adore paper mache she let me tag along to the puppet studios. Their studios were in an old car repair shop. It was winter, so the driveway was solid ice, and the flat roof was dripping with cold water melting from the sun. They only had space heaters and we did all of our work wearing heavy clothes, hats and warmed our hands with space heaters. The space had been transformed into a magical place where formerly used puppets lined the walls and a small rehearsal stage was set up for volunteer actors to practice with their puppets with sticks to give their arms and legs life-like expressions. They were running behind schedule and they needed a fairy puppet ASAP. I offered to make a three foot head and torso for the fairy and my friend and I collaborated on the fairy wings and headdress adding fabric, feathers and bright paints. I asked her if she was going to make more puppets this year and she said she didn't know.

    Surprisingly, I didn't know how much I enjoyed it until last night. I hope she remembers me for the next play they put on.  If not, perhaps I will make a cool puppet on my own this winter.


    #making art   #art puppets   #how to make puppets   # artist collaboration  #fight winter blahs

    #construction         #theater   #paper mache

    Friday, September 9, 2016

    Where Did All My Frends Go?

    :::::: I am a friendship Nurturer

            I use to think you had to have the magic touch. You could convince others in a day to come out and "experience" whatever you wanted to share with them.  From art, to parties, to sewing, you were always able to "hook" a few.

            Now, with my energy drained, the fun of life is
    sadly falling apart. People just don't come by like they use to.

    This is really sad for those of who use to depend on friendship to get us past the dark periods. It doesn't even need to be a big project. Just come over and hang out!! We will dine on snack food and iced tea and chat and work on something worthy of our time.
    We will say a prayer that the project turns out, (not really) because whatever happens, on our day together, happens.


    Learn to make contact, work slow and remind them where they are and where they ae going. Reach out to the skilled, the bored, the adult who, oh so child-like, needs lots of help, outside of explaining the project. Root for them. Let them learn that pulling all the elements together is fun for everyone. Clean up and make your
    art project sing. 

    Call a friend = make art together= it's so worth it.