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Friday, December 30, 2016

Falling in Love with HOPE

                      it is something very vague to me

                     I know I am picky, but I can't even find a good 
                     "Hope" quote on the internet that isn't too sappy.

                     So here is my Hope List in no particular order.

                    Drinking too much coffee and hoping to get
                                to the bathroom in time.

                    Doing something up to the last minute and
                    hoping you won't be late for an appointment.

                    Hoping the friends you have today will still be
                                          there tomorrow.

                    Having another health set-back and clearing it
                    from your mind hoping you can cope and
                    only a few people would understand anyhow.

                Hoping your beloved pet with be with you a long time.

                         Knowing that dreams often come true.
                   My family is not perfect but I am hoping we can
                                 go on and love each other.

                   My blog started to heal myself, but my words
                           have reached over 6,000 views.

                    My depression and my confidence    
                         improves every time I write
                              something positive.
                            Happiness and more...

                                   Art by CBJ J

Friday, December 23, 2016

It All Comes Together

Two days ago...
I thought I needed to make one last gift.
The gift wasn't necessary, but I thought it would definitely express my appreciation.

For the last several months, my nurse aide has helped me shower because I have to shower in a black boot for support. We didn't know how to go about it at first. It required me holding onto my walker and backing into the shower. Then she hands me a towel and I hobble to my bed where I dress and she puts an ace bandage on my foot for support so I can continue to walk in my regular boot.

Both of us were in the Bah Humbug mood this year. I miss my kids and I wish this darn boot could be trashed. I will survive this holiday as I always do, but it is hard. I imagine what other families do when you have a family around and in my mind every one is civil and no one tattle tales. LOL is replace with Ho Ho Ho and there is a bright star guiding us.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Counting Down

After a big push always comes the let down.

We all let out a sigh when a big project is done, but for people like me there is the sigh, the endless sleeping, isolation, eating, (especially sugar), mind wandering and feelings of what happens now?
For several days now, I have meant to: clean up my work space, do laundry, walk the dog, get Christmas decorations out, get my dressy outfit picked out, feel charged.

I n s t e a d :

I have watched multiple episodes of Cops, ate comfort food, sat around looking out the window,
slept 10-12 hours, denied all of my issues, felt sluggish, everything took too much effort, didn't wash my hair, took twice the time to do something simple because I couldn't imagine the logically way, left the same two pennies laying on the floor for four days, ignored the dirty bathroom, and doubted myself. I mean really doubted myself.
I told my friend "I was use to feeling rejected." She was bothered by that comment. I meant no harm- only stating the truth.

The monthly weather test alarm went off while I was calling to make a doctor's appointment today. The office worker kept telling me she couldn't hear me. I wondered if the ringing of the alarm had anything to do with the signal she was getting from my cell phone. I was going to say something, but figured she would think I was weird. Who makes a phone call and blames the ringing of the test alarm that she couldn't hear me? Maybe I am on to something real and scientific. We will never know. That's what happens when you have doubts.

ART WORK  by Cathy Jeffers

I need some income right now to pay off monthly bills. I am putting this out in the world in hopes that somehow, it will be received by someone who hears, and can let this unknown source of money be found somehow.

I was reading another depression blog and I want to share. Good reading about depression and an award winner. Her addiction is shopping.
#I am depressed  #depression #my symptoms of depression #depression and sleeping  #the release

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Finally, My Life in Art Quilts

My fellow Depression Heads, with depression comes many hard times, but also some very good times.  Fortunately, I was able to "work through" much of my worse days using art as my voice and I can honestly say, Art has saved my life.

I will have a solo exhibition in Columbus Ohio. The dates are December 7th to January 13th 2017. Fresh A.I.R.stands for Artists In Recovery. The gallery hosts about eight exhibitions per year. It is a supportive environment for all with mental illness and substance issues.

I encourage you to find your creative outlet. You don't have to be great at it- just do it for the enjoyment. It will give you time to think about art, and time to heal.

#artist in recovery    #art quilts  #telling my story  #healing  #art saved my life  #support  #depression

Sunday, November 13, 2016

A Mini Rant

 Okay, we have done it. We voted a hateful man into office.
 I normally don't think much about politics, but this year, you couldn't avoid it.  The Clinton Lady wasn't classy- throwing punches like a girl. She made every character flaw he had seem deadly. But her non-political voice- fell flat. None of them stuck.

Who can compete with a screaming demon?  People love this stuff. Our country has forgotten what life was like before reality shows, Jerry Springer, technology, global warming issues and jobs gone forever. We have replaced communication with a device held in your hands and not by eye contact, intelligent discussions, debate, considering the past and the future. No we live in the now- and now is in upheaval. Seldom did they make our "big" issues their big issue in this year's election. They attacked each other's character instead.

My depression status is often influenced by the events in the world. A challenge to what I expect will likely put me into a panic. This isn't a simple case of shaking the government up. It was sluggish, and I can see need for improvement. But telling folks lies and giving them a ticket back to the 1950's  shows ignorance.

Yet, aside from my personal concerns, I need to tell myself to wait and see. My life will continue pretty much as it has, but the real issue for me is, can I lose the financial benefits of health insurance?The count down begins!

Thursday, November 3, 2016


Considering the months it took for insurance to approve my foot surgery, and the fact that the surgery happened in June of 2016--and two weeks later, my foot started swelling up, and then I found out I had two stress fractures in my foot, is it crazy to learn I have bronchitis too?

I made this art quilt earlier this summer. I think it may be the right time to post it on here.

I Hide My Real Emotions                                               Cathy Jeffers 2016


              #I hide my real emotions   #risk     #fear    #art    #quilt    #emotions

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

When Pain and Depression Meet

I spent the summer recovering from foot surgery in a rehab center. It was a LONG summer and I kept telling myself, you had the surgery for the right reasons. Hang in there.

I felt better for maybe two weeks.

Then I broke two bones in the foot that was on it's way back. Two new stress fractures!! I am miserable. Two more months in a black boot, more medication, little sleep due to pain. Oh my.

Pain and depression are common soul mates, but couldn't they choose another soul besides me?

Sewing and quilting going on strong. I do have that.


#foot surgery  #broken foot   #broken spirit

Thursday, September 29, 2016


I understand deadlines.  They are those little things that I call the fine print at the end of applications. So why do I punish myself  with flirting with the deadline all the time?

Here is the latest version: Think AUCTION QUILT.

I can't allow myself to donate something I already have, I have to make something NEW.

I even listed the Title and the Price before the quilt was started. Now I am committed and it is due next week. So far, I spent time making lots of appliques, leaves of all types, a vase, table, and a wall treatment for my quilt that combines paint and layering. I will add more if time allows, but for now, will someone PLEASE tell me to wrap it up?

My foot is swelling from being down so much, and I know it is because I am in sewing position.

#art deadline  #flirting with the deadline  #time consuming  #making something new 
#art for auctions

Thursday, September 22, 2016


I am invited out to dinner tonight with two women I barely know. The one is the widow of my good friend who pasted away from cancer last February. He was a great man, my friend, and someone I loved and respected in so many ways. His partner, was his companion of thirty plus years, couldn't be more different from me.

Yet, we are working one being friends. When she came to see me in the rehab unit for my foot, she brought me the snacks I requested, but then also brought me a small compact mirror. This isn't a terrible idea, but she probably doesn't know I wear zero makeup and I haven't worn makeup since I stopped working four years ago. I am a plain Jane!

The other woman I barely know is also a widow and a former interior decorator. She met me a few years back at an art opening and I talked to her briefly. The next time, I was getting some artwork photographed by my friend and  he introduced me to her as this great quilter. She was sitting chatting to my friend and he said "Show them some of your quilts."  He was ALWAYS a great salesman for me. She has these big oversized glasses and she is always looking over them at you.  She is intimidating to me.

She ended up buying a small quilt and later had it framed I heard.

So what's the problem? I think the lady who bought my quilts absolutely thinks I am nuts- poor thing, and buying my quilt was an act of charity. I am nervous I won't have anything to talk to her about this evening, and that I will be judged as a flakey artist.  So I have to psych myself up for being "normal" and get rid of my brain fog- due to medication with my foot.

Today, I had a doctor's appointment with an eye doctor and I left "dilated." I was thinking it was no big deal, so I went to my car and drove home. Only at the first light, I was squinting to see the traffic and the sun was burning a hole in my eye. Too bad the brain fog wasn't fully kicked in to go with it.
Yes, I will have to tell myself, be normal, be normal, tonight at dinner.

This is the quilt.  CBJJ


#my quilt story  #intimidating  #buy art  #art buyer

Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Adventures with Mr. Wrong

Mr. Wrong has been MIA lately. After telling me he would come by to check on me after surgery, he(simply)hasn't. That is bad enough, but it has been one thing after another and the "B" word he always uses is he is  BUSY. 

--Ever seen that thing on the internet that says when a man tells you they are busy, it's just another word for being an "@ss...e." (Forgive me.) 

Anyhow today's discussion was that I told him that he was really showing signs of being depressed. His response: he agreed.

But Mr. Wrong has it all wrong. When I pressed him (via text) that he should get some help and possibly some medication, he said NO.  No to probably getting some help and no to pills.  He is content and satisfied with how things are.

I shared with him that I am currently more stable than ever. I have felt balanced and content in my head for nearly 9 months, and I am looking forward to this being a constant in my life. YAHHH for me. I see a therapist, medical doctor and take my medicine.
It is so strange to feel good, but it is also wonderful. Imagine me with a balanced head= not going into that VERY DARK place where negative past experiences play on re-wind. I never forgive myself, I think the worse, and  I am stagnant. I eat and sleep as much as possible and then sit around doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and thinking about things that I really can't do anything about anyhow.
I would rather make art.

Please link to:

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. You don’t care anymore about former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping.
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

  • -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    #mr.wrong  #crush me  #understanding depression  #ignoring depression   #art is therapy

    Wednesday, September 14, 2016

    Being an Artist

    Last night I took a clay class. We made clay heads. 

    Image result for clay heads sculptures

    It was taught by an artist friend who juggles about six
    part-time teaching jobs and Saturday night gig in a classy Seafood Restaurant.

    When they talk about starving artists, it is with smugness sometimes, so my friend the artist, is a testament to what artists have to do when passions run deep and pockets are on empty. But art is like that. I especially like this artist because she is always cheerful, inspiring, helpful, and works with very young children to adults, so again, she doesn't fit the stereo-type of being an artist who is brooding or inflexible.

    Last year, she volunteered for a local Puppet Theatre and because I adore paper mache she let me tag along to the puppet studios. Their studios were in an old car repair shop. It was winter, so the driveway was solid ice, and the flat roof was dripping with cold water melting from the sun. They only had space heaters and we did all of our work wearing heavy clothes, hats and warmed our hands with space heaters. The space had been transformed into a magical place where formerly used puppets lined the walls and a small rehearsal stage was set up for volunteer actors to practice with their puppets with sticks to give their arms and legs life-like expressions. They were running behind schedule and they needed a fairy puppet ASAP. I offered to make a three foot head and torso for the fairy and my friend and I collaborated on the fairy wings and headdress adding fabric, feathers and bright paints. I asked her if she was going to make more puppets this year and she said she didn't know.

    Surprisingly, I didn't know how much I enjoyed it until last night. I hope she remembers me for the next play they put on.  If not, perhaps I will make a cool puppet on my own this winter.


    #making art   #art puppets   #how to make puppets   # artist collaboration  #fight winter blahs

    #construction         #theater   #paper mache

    Friday, September 9, 2016

    Where Did All My Frends Go?

    :::::: I am a friendship Nurturer

            I use to think you had to have the magic touch. You could convince others in a day to come out and "experience" whatever you wanted to share with them.  From art, to parties, to sewing, you were always able to "hook" a few.

            Now, with my energy drained, the fun of life is
    sadly falling apart. People just don't come by like they use to.

    This is really sad for those of who use to depend on friendship to get us past the dark periods. It doesn't even need to be a big project. Just come over and hang out!! We will dine on snack food and iced tea and chat and work on something worthy of our time.
    We will say a prayer that the project turns out, (not really) because whatever happens, on our day together, happens.


    Learn to make contact, work slow and remind them where they are and where they ae going. Reach out to the skilled, the bored, the adult who, oh so child-like, needs lots of help, outside of explaining the project. Root for them. Let them learn that pulling all the elements together is fun for everyone. Clean up and make your
    art project sing. 

    Call a friend = make art together= it's so worth it.

    Friday, August 19, 2016

    Speaking About 11:11

    I haven't mentioned 11:11 in a while, so it is time for me to talk about this lovely

    NUMBER   11:11 came to me without me being even aware of it. I was only aware of the 11:11 on my clock radio and so I gave it a place in my life-- using it first as a part of my primary email address, and later used it in my art work from time to time. I was then contacted by someone who was a big fan of all connections to  the number "Bing"- who I don't know and who often sends me information related to the number.

    I don't have a canned explanation of what the number means to me, but I am please to interject my relationship with 11:11 in social/art settings and to explain my fascination. Sometimes, when I meet someone new I tell the I am into 11:11 as if it were a key, or to be crass, like sharing my Zodiac sign.

    My friends thought I was crazy when I brought up 11:11.  It didn't matter. the number, the power, the angel spirit and I had found one another. Frankly, I had no idea what it meant when it all began. But as I read about it and came to understand it was a type of signal from my guardian angel to become more aware of my thoughts, surroundings, and actions. I was thrilled to catch the symbol on a clock. Now, I always respond with a "Hi, Annie" as I think of it as my angel just checking in with me.

    Yesterday, I had an emotional day as I realized I was finally moving from one period of my life to another. My link to 11:11 we also appearing. Three different men in my life were being heard. One, (AKA Mr. Wrong) was making an appearance after a two month absence, another had been causing me daily distress, (my PT)who  I was finally saying goodbye to, and the third was a co-worker, a man I had worked with eight years ago, but remembered me well. We bumped into each other and told me how much he enjoyed my art classes. He was an aide, directed to keep the students in line in a school for emotionally disturbed children. He was ex-army and you didn't want to mess with him.

    I NEARLY forgot I taught in that environment once. It was heaven. The children were given a lot of counseling and despite frequent displays of emotional distress, they came to art with a goal of participation.

    I have taught in so many environments.  People who believe in 11:11 also believe we are the nurses, teachers, police, counselors working on earth to make a better place for everyone else.

    #11:11  # I see 11:11  #what does 11:11 mean  #11:11 is more than a wish  #angels  #seeing hope

    Sunday, August 14, 2016

    Don't Give UP

    A while ago I wrote about my temporary therapist and how I really didn't like the man.

    Now, I met with him again and my feelings are even stronger. He makes me want to kick him out of my room at times. (and this is a good thing)  I told him the story of the male therapist I once went to see who told me to fill out paperwork on the first visit and then called me in-- only to tell me that he could not see me, because I was so fat I obviously didn't have any will power and he couldn't work with someone like that! I took it in my gut and gathered my things to leave. I didn't go to see another therapist for about three years. Those were three years wasted in terms of  my head getting better. I did go on to see a woman therapist after that who was wonderful.

    Now, I just hope to go back to seeing my main therapist and not some therapist knock-off.

    #selecting a therapist   #it is your therapy 

    Monday, August 8, 2016


    A person who suffers from depression often has one or two key words which would sum it all up. For me, the word is failure. I have lived much of my live feeling like a failure and no amount of accomplishment out-weighs the sense of failure I feel. I can even put a date on it. My algebra class I had in eighth grade to prepare us for high school math- circa 1970. I struggled with algebra, as poor understanding and genuine fear from my teacher were linked to my failure.

    Miss H. scared me with her flabby arms, who wore the same polyester dress in different prints, black, sensible shoes straight out of the movie classics and her tunnel-like nostrils I starred at whenever I was close to her. She had a smoker's voice and cough I would now recognize. She had my older brother in school, who was 14 years older, so she had some mileage on her. I suffered greatly that year, knowing I was an inch from failure and It still haunts me. 
    While other girls were experiencing hormonal issues, I experienced my first long period of depression, which lead to a collapse in my self esteem, thinking that maybe I wasn't the student, who would become a success or "college-material" as they use to call it. If I wasn't going to make it in algebra, I couldn't do college, so my life was over.

    Looking back at all this, my depression grew like a weed. It filled all the cracks in my life. People didn't understand things like this back then. Psychiatry was a new discipline and my parents, for one, would have never allowed me to see a psychiatrist, so I sought out other adults in my life and would "visit" them.  I would talk about myself and my life until I left crying my eyes out and the adult wouldn't know what to say, so they would excuse themselves and I would feel relieved that they shared their time and embarrassed that I had just "dumped" all of my emotional toxins in their lap. I would pull myself together until the next time.

    So, rather than blame the root of my distress on something big- failure, shattered family life, hatred, or something real, I nominate

    Sunday, July 31, 2016

    How to Give A Therpist The Boot

    I have been seeing a different therapist while my regular mental health therapist is unavailable. I am ready to stop see them and I will tell you why.

    • A therapeutic session should feel like a chat with an old friend. If it is not, you need to make a change. Whether the therapist is highly qualified, smart, funny, good looking, or anything else that appeals to you, if you don't speak your heart, you are talking to the wrong person.
    • My wrong Joe therapist talks the therapy headlines well. He knows the basics and reminds me that everything has a root cause. Sometimes however, I can't put my finger on it, even with his coaching and I become anxious that I can't find the word he wants me to say.
    • SHAMING- Shaming is a good word.  I can fit a lot of my bad mental health issues in this category. But what about all the rest?
    • Shaming didn't make my body hurt, my body tremor, my words fail me. I have lots of other issues- more than I would want to list here that have appeared as I have grown older.
    A therapist should not annoy you.  Find one that can stay awake.
    Find one that doesn't look like a deer in the headlights, an obnoxious Donald Trump type, a Mr. "I have a degree in this," or a meek individual with nothing that you can take away from the session.
    YOU have to do the work.  It might mean you go through a box of tissues at their office, or twist your keys until you hand hurts, but you need to feel "cleansed" by the time you walk out of your appointment.

    • Forewarn the therapist that you are thinking that this is a bad match. You might do this at the beginning of the last session, or give it one more try.
    • Don't engage in anything that makes you need to defend yourself.  Be assertive and say "This isn't working."
    •  Believe in your recovery! Know enough that you won't waste your time with someone who causes you grief and fails to help you. Don't waste valuable time hanging on when they bothered you from the beginning.
    • Ask friends and family for suggestions on who to go to.  Call and ask questions about the therapist's specialty. 
    • You will get better sooner and be happier.
    #picking a therapist  #support   #changing your therapist  #mental health therapist


    Speaking Up

    It is hard to believe, but depression has actually left me unable to speak up for myself in many cases until recently. I accepted the negative opinion of others as the truth-- when I knew they were wrong about me.

    Imagining anything but day after day with depression seems impossible. It certainly did for me. But there is hope.

    When I got the stupid news I started to cry.
    Don't I get a say in my own medical care? Who makes up these "goals" and "status" and makes them concrete- when there is nothing about being in a rehab facility that is concrete.

    I do have a voice. I am in more danger trying to find the right bed height to climb out of bed than the benefits of sleeping inches from the floor.

    My therapy is starting to wear on me. Who does the same exercises day after day for a month? I am stronger- but I was not able to rush the process.  I am not a machine from which you can demand an instant response. For once in my life, instead of an "A" performance, I've accepted a "B" since I was able to that, without degrading myself.

    You see me at my worse because I dislike and don't trust you so I don't preform well for you. You would never understand my story of physical and mental limitations. I am not a cardboard stand-in for a fat person who sits back and doesn't try. I am harder on myself than anyone that I know. Look for the real me- not the one you see failing. I am speaking up and speaking up loudly. _______________________________
    #fat people  #physical therapy  #judgement
    #feeling hopeless  #danger  # sleeping well
    #insomnia  #making things worse

    Saturday, July 23, 2016

    Another Pill?

    Since getting into this rehab center-- I have also had two infections. In each case the first response from the doctors was to give me antibiotics.
    I am not opposed to the use of antibiotics at all. But when I complained that the one antibiotic made me dizzy, the doctors did not change the antibiotic, they added another pill for the dizziness.
    I have taken two pills for dizziness now, and this afternoon, I slept for five hours. I told the nurse and she confirmed that a side effect of the of the drug
    was sleepiness. So I am writing to ask is one more pill really the answer?

    Friday, July 15, 2016

    No Longer Timid

    I've been away from Depression Heads because of my surgery.

    I am in a rehabilitation center working on rehab for my foot. I have been here for nearly three weeks and the whole experience reminds me that there are different types of REALITY.  If I were at home, I had a routine, my mood was up and down, but at the end of the day, I thought I knew myself.

    I didn't realize how timid I was. Sad, but this experience has made me realize how a timid I can be.  I tried to wait it out instead of asking for what I really needed.

    As a person with anxiety, I would always put myself last. It felt my friends and family always came first. Now, that I am in not in "Reality" my timid character had to be amped up a lot. I am in rehab now and totally dependent on nursing staff for my every need- from using the toilet to getting around in my wheelchair, checking my foot for swelling, meals, and the PUSH from physical therapy to move beyond my current strength.

    This is my third week at getting better. My small quilts are keeping m company and SANE.


    #hash this out     #thankful      #getting better

    Monday, June 13, 2016

    A Post about Mother and Child

    Of all the names I have,
    mother is the one I seldom hear.

    I am sending this out to all the mothers who miss their children.

    My children are grown now, and a call or an email or text are few and far between. I realize some can't or don't wish to be mothers, but I always did...

    I cried like a baby in the doctor's office when I thought I couldn't get pregnant. One year later, I held my perfect baby in my arms, and a year after that, another perfect baby was born.
    Mothers, fathers, and children are dying trying to reach another country who might shelter them.

                                                                      Cathy Jeffers
    #refugee art  #mother and child  #quilt  #unsafe  #seeking shelter

    Tuesday, May 24, 2016

    In A Place You Don't Belong

    People with depression often isolate themselves.

    People with depression often sleep too much, feel long lasting pain, fatigue and discomfort.

    People with depression have weird thoughts that no one loves them.

    So for me the last few days have been like the triple crown.

    1. On leaving the house:  "I don't want to waste my gas."
    2. Current sleep schedule is 9 to 9. Nine (p.m.) to go to bed and sleeping in until at least 9 (a.m.) Less time each day makes the days seem shorter.
    3. I am pushing myself to do somethings I would normally put off.  I trimmed back a tree, and cut my overgrown grass. This caused me to have to shower and flop into bed immediately. My body hurt so much, I couldn't fall asleep, and when I did I ignored the dog who probably needed out.
    4. I think that I am the worse person. I'm not worthwhile. I think of ways that people I know should stay away.

                 Image result for sia (Sia and I could become BFF.)

    Meanwhile, I so fear being JUDGED so much, I am cleaning my house.
    Image result for cleaning meme
    #stress   #anxiety   #doubts 

    Saturday, May 14, 2016

    Depression and the Importance of Dogs

    I use to have three cats and a dog. I gave two cats to my daughter, and I had to put one down because he was ill and thinner than I had ever seen him. He was my favorite and he will always be my buddy- Ozzy.

    Peaches is my current dog, a yellow lab who is my companion, friend, arm licker, excited to see me everyday, places muddy paw prints in the house, wants to go bye-bye, my stinker, sweetheart, angel, underfoot, but my pet. She is afraid of only the vacuum cleaner and never saw a squirrel she didn't want to chase down, or a dog walking down the sidewalk she didn't want to bark at. She will go ape over the mailman, and then gently bring me the mail wagging her tail. She loves old socks, soft washcloths and underwear.

    Soon, I am going to have surgery and will have the longest rehab stay in a nursing facility in my life. It could be up to three months.  So is it any surprise, that I don't know what do about leaving my dog, even with someone I know.

    A dog is the only thing on earth

    that loves you more

     than you love yourself.

     -Josh Billings

    Thursday, May 12, 2016

    Seaching for Inspiration

    Today's post has little to do with depression.  It is about stopping and looking for inspiration. I am in love with texture and color in art, so I decided to take some photos of my own. I went to several locations in my own neighborhood and shot these photos. I am not much of a photographer, but I do like how these turned out.
    SO... maybe it is helping to fight depression. A new skill is being developed, and I found some great things to see in my camera lens.  Enjoy.


    Tomato Cages

    Tuesday, May 10, 2016

    Beatle Love

              Image result for beatles
    I went to a memorial Saturday night for my friend who recently died of cancer. On the re-play were mostly Beatles songs.

                                     Is there anything more timeless than a Beatles song?
                                    All those girls were screaming- and rightly so.
                                    These early songs are amazing- and so are plenty of
                                    their older ones.

    There are places I remember
    All my life though some have changed
    Some forever not for better
    Some have gone and some remain
    All these places have their moments
    With lovers and friends I still can recall
    Some are dead and some are living
    In my life I've loved them all
    Remember there is good in every life.
    #memorial   #justified  #missing you  #death  #life without you
    #Beatles  #friends

    Friday, May 6, 2016

    Weird Things People Do


    I went out again tonight. I went down town to three different art galleries.
    The first was by far the best, because the owner and I are friends, and she greeted me with a hug.  She believes in me and has had my work on display twice. She is a talented painter and and a genuinely nice person.

    In the gallery were two other artists, and we all engaged in a friendly conversation and one woman kept trying to place me. She was saying she had heard my name, and happy to meet me. 
    In our town, there is art center in which nearly every artist in town
    passes through in the beginning of their art careers. The former director of this art center was a "character" who everyone seemed to like, until, one person was brave enough to say... "Well, I had a problem with her." and then one by one-- each person tells what happened to them, "accused of stealing" "told if I don't like it--go somewhere else" or "she tried to intimidate me." (All about the same woman.)

    So I moved to another gallery, and was happy to meet a quilter and felt her kindness even though I wasn't a big fan of her style of quilts. I am likely to send her an email to connect, because there are not very many devoted quilt-designers around in my town, and she has written a book and is giving classes on-line, both of which have been on my agenda. So
    a chance meeting could be a good kick in the butt for me.

    My final stop was to go to the gallery opening of the most prolific artist in town, who has a formula, and paints abstracts on moving carts. He works on one for a while, then another, and some say he completes, up to twenty paintings a day this way.

                              Weird and mind boggling to ME!!!!!

    What is the artist connection, when paintings are created in an assembly line and the hand makes three passages with paint, and moves to the next-- and to hear the artist tell it- he knows he isn't an artist. He just plays. This is his hobby-- he is a retired salesman, and that is what he is really good at. His painting go for $75-3,500+ so he is having fun.  One room had the studio set up as an actual studio space. The other was filled with sofas and a bar filled with wine and cognac. Sales are made better this way I assume. I waved to him, although he was chatting with a group of four woman and polishing his B.S., so I didn't speak to him, he briefly turned his head, and recognized me even though we hadn't seen each other in several years. 

    "Did you see your quilt?" In his last studio, crumpled, next to the buffalo head and yet a third bar, he had an old quilt of mine, that he had purchased during a buying frenzy when he bought three of mine one evening. I wanted to say thanks for displaying it, but he was surrounded by all those women and I didn't want him to lose his mojo.

    Aside from all this, the people I saw that I knew at the gallery, had no interest in chatting to me - so straight out of there I went. The best part was the freight elevator. The operator said it wasn't really working right- he closed two gates, to move it from floor to floor, it rattles the whole time, and then he lifted the entry gate only enough, so that you had to duck your head to exit.

    My other favorite part of the evening was watching the young man on a skateboard, riding over old bricks roads, smoking, reading messages on his phone, and drinking an energy drink all at the same time.  Multi-tasking at its best.

    #weird evening  #artists  #art studio  #skateboard  #freight elevator #quilt  #Pandora's Box  #painting

    Thursday, May 5, 2016

    Depression and Pain

    Hit me over the head will you? Meditation??
    Today's comment:
    People with stress have more health problems. If you have been down from stress- then meditate. What? Meditation.
    It's always something! My depression is better, but my pain is much worse.
    Just walking my dog hurts a lot. But you have to move, sitting too long isn't good either. 
    I try to spend 15 minutes every night with crystal in hand, removing my pain from my body. Imagery is used to pin-point the body parts (chakras) and clean each one. This was stupid hocus pocus to me for a long time. Now I am giving it a shot.  Imagery isn't just for art.
    What is Pranic Healing®

    Pranic Healing® is a highly evolved and tested system of energy medicine developed by GrandMaster Choa Kok Sui that utilizes prana to balance, harmonize and transform the body's energy processes. Prana is a Sanskrit word that means life-force. This invisible bio-energy or vital energy keeps the body alive and maintains a state of good health.
    #depression and stress   #pain management   #feeling awful   #pranic healing   #self healing  #dealing with pain

    Wednesday, April 27, 2016

    Another Reason

    I thought of another reason to have passion in your life. 
    It is to have friends who like what you like.    
    Actress Sally Field accepts her Academy Award for best actress in the film "Places in the Heart" at the Oscar ceremonies in Los Angeles March 26, 1985. "I can't deny the fact you like me, " she said in her acceptance speech, "Right now, you like me."

    Tonight I did something I rarely do. I went to a lecture on quilting by a woman I barely know except from some mutual friends. At the quilt meeting were several of my friends, who I have made from attending quilt guild meetings over several years.

    In an impromptu "blurting out," reminiscent of  the  "You like me, you really like Me." speech by Sally Fields, I told the ladies at my table, that they were the best part of coming to quilt guild. I said: "They got me." 
    Then, one by one, they said, well, we don't really understand you, we can't
    do what you do, but we appreciate what you do!

    The Science of ‘You Like Me! You Really Like Me!’            

    Even if you’ve never seen the 1984 film Places in the Heart, in which actress Sally Field portrayed a 1930s southern widow trying to keep her farm out of foreclosure, you no doubt are familiar with Field’s acceptance speech for the Academy Award the role won her. “You like me,” she declared. “You really like me.” With the strong emphasis on the word really, it’s a classic example of the adulation that actors crave.

    There are two errors in the previous paragraph, one more important than the other. The minor error: Sally Field did not actually say this line in her acceptance speech. The real line in her speech was, “I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me.” We probably misremember the quote because of the other, more important error. It isn’t just actors who are primarily motivated by being liked; we all are. The misquote is so sticky because it exemplifies a central human need.

    We all have a need to belong. Signs that others like, admire and love us are central to our well-being. But until very recently, we had no idea how the brain responds to these signs. Recent neuroimaging has changed that. 

    Perhaps the most dramatic positive sign that we can get from another person — short of a marriage proposal — is to read something that person has written to express their deep affection for us.

    Reprinted from SOCIAL: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Copyright © 2014 by Matthew D. Lieberman. Published by Broadway Books, an imprint of Random House LLC.        


    #artist,  #art,  #friendship  #well-being,  #quilts,