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Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Dog Therapy

Today, I had two appointments I wasn't looking forward to because I knew they would be difficult.

In my first appointment, the foot doctor told me there was NOTHING MORE he could do. We were done and I would just be seeing him occasionally when needed. I have been with this doctor for almost two years preparing for surgery, him responding to my phone calls, complaints, and tears. Nearly more tears today, but mixed with reality and acceptance, I left.

Fortunately, my dog was waiting for me in my car.  I could have complained to her about my pain... but it didn't come. She was just happy to see me and who can resist that face?

In my second appointment, my mental health check-up,I was going to admit to him that I had obsessed for a week over a comment made three weeks ago.
(Goal: Let things go!)

We talked,discussed and made plans for my future appointments,
 all in an effort to improve myself and learn to be more positive.
There were more tears... some were tears from my past, others were tears for what is happening now.

The elevator was out of order, and I had to take the freight elevator since I couldn't take the stairs.

But I had my dog in the car when I got out and I talked dog talk all the way home.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Anything is Possible

Today I attended an art conference in my home town. It is held annually and I go every few years.
The best part of going is connecting with people I know.

This year, I wasn't sure I could make it because I am walking now, but I am still limping due to the foot surgery. On the last day to register, I called asked if it wasn't too late and asked for two scholarships for myself and my friend.

That evening the art coordinator called to tell me she had the two scholarships for me. I was excited.
After a long sigh, I then asked if it was possible to get a wheelchair to make things easier on me. My friend had already agreed to push me. The next day I was told they had a wheelchair for me.

My friend and I were to meet in the underground parking garage. She got there before me so she went to get the wheelchair for me. I called to see if she was on her way, and she said she was there. After a long run of "I can see this... can you?" I got out of the car and said loudly, "Marco... Polo..." A lady stopped and asked if I was looking for someone? "I think she is in there." She pointed to the elevator wall. (We couldn't see each other because we were on opposite sides of the same wall.)

I came into the conference area and got my place for a continental breakfast, and my friend went to get me something to eat. I ran into an artist friend and we hugged and kissed and my friend, my companion for the day, smiled. This happened about four more times throughout the day. Each time it was so nice. I had an opportunity to speak to some strangers and acted confident. It felt good to carry on a conversation. At home I am alone so much of the time, the only one I speak to is the dog and four walls.

At one session I made two strangers --laugh, who over-heard a conversation between my friend and I.
It was certainly a surprise!

The highlight of the day was attending a workshop with a former art teacher. He was wrapped up in his presentation, so he didn't see me at first.  I didn't expect him to acknowledge me. But as he circled the room, he came up to me and spoke into his microphone and said- "Wow, Cathy, you could have taught this class." I have known him for close to 50 years and attend his workshop whenever I can. Later in the day, he came up and hugged ME and pointed out to several people that I had been one of his students. By now, I am sure he has had hundreds of students. "I have known you since I was twelve." I said.

Today was a gift. Thank you. (The Secret)

#the secret      #art     #art teacher     #feels good     #friendship     #hugs  #former student

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Mosaic Madness & Mental Illness

I have been in recovery for some time. But I know I have to keep my eyes open and always watch for those things that set my anxiety high and my depression low.

I had to send out a SOS recently to my friends to stop posting about politics, specifically anti-Trump.
I don't regret their posts. They were just coming at just a fast furry in the first two weeks I was on edge. I literally felt like Humpty Dumpty sitting on the edge of the wall... with just a small breeze about to send me off the wall. President TRUMPY DUMPTY has me really, really scared.

I am a MOSAIC.  All of my pieces fit together to make my "WHOLE."

My Pieces are   * The Artist  * The Parent   * The Friend
                         * The Person who has HEALTH PROBLEMS
                         * The Person who removed people who were BAD for me.
                         * The Hopeful One  *The Dreamer  * The Optimist
                         * The Romantic  * The Peacekeeper   * The One Afraid of Chaos
                         *  One Who Dreams of Success
                         *  11:11 Connected
                         *  The person who knows my ISSUES
                         *  Grateful that I understand how I got HERE
                         *  Spiritual and Striving for more INSIGHT

Trump Pieces are?

#my life   #mosaic   #mental health   #president Trumpy Dumpty  #my issues  #11:11


Monday, February 6, 2017


Communication use to mean calling someone on the phone and getting caught up, talking about something until you both understood the other's view point, or sharing common ideas and it was fun to imagine how to make a big idea bigger.

Now, communication has become much more strained between my friends and I. Seems like many of them are too busy, stressed, over committed, working too much, or dealing with family issues.

When things get really tough in my life, I do a lot of things.
I sleep, isolate and want to be left alone. I miss my friends, but I assume they are okay, and I don't want to bother them.

In my mind....I expect the worse. 

Image result for the secret 

Hoping to find peace by practicing the secret.

So here we are, a world in CHAOS---- and I feel all alone.

#feeling alone  #my opinions   #politics   #USA   #speechless  #what happens next