Healing My Head

UPs and Downs...

In the last few weeks, I have had plenty of ups and downs. But what makes these ups and downs interesting, is that they all seem connected.

It all started a few weeks ago when the therapist session was so REAL and insightful... my head was swimming. I mean "Nailed it!" was what I told him.

"How can you be ____________ years old and still hold on to all this?"

"Gee, I don't know, but I've done a good job of it."

I can see clearly that INTELLECTUALLY, letting GO, finding the positive and moving on are part of the path I need to follow.
                                                        

So here are my Road Blocks:     Health    Money    Support    "Can Do" Spirit   Limitations

My ENERGY is based on doing small tasks. If I get chores and a meal done in one day, AND some art work done. SOOOO Good!!!

So Pick   3 (nice) things to do each day for you.
          You will feel better --I Promise!
_______________________________________

#be good to yourself     #art    #mental illness  #pain management  #positive steps  #coping
#ups and downs   #medication and mental illness   #letting go  #artist    #101 ideas on coping
#healing my head  #energy level  

Isolation Vs. The People Out There

I never really knew how important isolation was to me. After all, by choosing isolation, I don't have to discuss all the pain I am feeling. My silence is by choice, even if it does cause a longer road to recovery. When I do share, I want to share my feelings with my therapist who is 1) trained in mental health or 2) people who have experience depression first hand, or read a lot and understand the devastation of depression.

For me, complaining about my mental and physical health does me little good. I want to shut up to people with whom I share the table.

But, here is the truth. I use to be fearful that others would judge me because of my mental illness and now, my constant physical problems. I felt I would be stigmatized.

  How could anyone understand that I was once active and funny and danced around a classroom, serving up crayons, paints and paper and stretched hundreds of young peoples imaginations as an art teacher?

  Last weekend I met a woman who had no fear being the Snarkiest person I have ever met.

When the subject came up about my health, and I started to explain, she actually said: 

"excuse me while I get a tissue to wipe my tears."   

 That was wrong, just plain wrong, on so many levels.

I think my biggest fear is that I will never get well again.

But, my second biggest fear is that I will meet others who want to pass me up, make me their victim and laugh about it.

NO. I have grown stronger than that. I will not let you and your narrow vision judge me.

                                            Sunset   By CBJ

_________________________________________________________________________________

#art  #isolation  #insults  #speak up   #don't judge  #get well    #not a victim  #community #depression  #joy  #mental health