Dodging Compliments

Dear Depressionheads,

Does this ever happen to you or am I the only one?

The last few days, I branched out of my inner world and interacted with more than a few people. I found it interesting to accept compliments. 

Thursday: I take a watercolor painting class and the teacher is seeing me struggle. It's harder than it looks to control the water and the paint and not make a muddy mess.  I interacted with my classmates and my teacher and she is really being kind to keep me after class to demonstrate some techniques. My go-to emotion is "how bad I am at painting"- even though it was only my third class.

Friday: I went to a large art conference and ran into several people I know. I went be myself and sat alone, but many other artists, teachers, and friends passed by to greet me. One, a woman who had helped me out in my former classroom, asked me how I was feeling. When I told her I had yet another surgery, she was very sympathetic. "No more surgery!"  She hugged me and said she loved me. I sat speechless and thought she doesn't even know me-- how can she love me?

Saturday: I went to a small craft show to sell my quilts, felting, and fabric bowls. I was happy to get nice compliments about the work, but dodged these words,  One woman said I was "Awesome." Someone is saying that about me? I had just met her an hour or so ago.

The hosts of the event placed me by the front entrance because they said I did such a nice job of greeting people. This all seems so out of place for me. I struggle accepting compliments.

Trying to decide if my depression is really gone?  How do I see these two images?  Which is the real me? The positive one (right) or the negative one (left)?  We SHOULD all to better at this.

#who am I?    #self image   #artist    #depression   #accepting compliments  #mental health

#can you accept a compliment?