I thought of another reason to have passion in your life.
It is to have friends who like what you like.
Tonight I did something I rarely do. I went to a lecture on quilting by a woman I barely know except from some mutual friends. At the quilt meeting were several of my friends, who I have made from attending quilt guild meetings over several years.
In an impromptu "blurting out," reminiscent of the "You like me, you really like Me." speech by Sally Fields, I told the ladies at my table, that they were the best part of coming to quilt guild. I said: "They got me."
Then, one by one, they said, well, we don't really understand you, we can't
do what you do, but we appreciate what you do!
The Science of ‘You Like Me! You Really Like Me!’
Even if you’ve never seen the 1984 film Places in the Heart, in which actress Sally Field portrayed a 1930s southern widow trying to keep her farm out of foreclosure, you no doubt are familiar with Field’s acceptance speech for the Academy Award the role won her. “You like me,” she declared. “You really like me.” With the strong emphasis on the word really, it’s a classic example of the adulation that actors crave.
There are two errors in the previous paragraph, one more important than the other. The minor error: Sally Field did not actually say this line in her acceptance speech. The real line in her speech was, “I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me.” We probably misremember the quote because of the other, more important error. It isn’t just actors who are primarily motivated by being liked; we all are. The misquote is so sticky because it exemplifies a central human need.
We all have a need to belong. Signs that others like, admire and love us are central to our well-being. But until very recently, we had no idea how the brain responds to these signs. Recent neuroimaging has changed that.
Perhaps the most dramatic positive sign that we can get from another person — short of a marriage proposal — is to read something that person has written to express their deep affection for us.
Reprinted from SOCIAL: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Copyright © 2014 by Matthew D. Lieberman. Published by Broadway Books, an imprint of Random House LLC.
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