In A Place You Don't Belong

People with depression often isolate themselves.

People with depression often sleep too much, feel long lasting pain, fatigue and discomfort.

People with depression have weird thoughts that no one loves them.

So for me the last few days have been like the triple crown.


1. On leaving the house:  "I don't want to waste my gas."
2. Current sleep schedule is 9 to 9. Nine (p.m.) to go to bed and sleeping in until at least 9 (a.m.) Less time each day makes the days seem shorter.
3. I am pushing myself to do somethings I would normally put off.  I trimmed back a tree, and cut my overgrown grass. This caused me to have to shower and flop into bed immediately. My body hurt so much, I couldn't fall asleep, and when I did I ignored the dog who probably needed out.
4. I think that I am the worse person. I'm not worthwhile. I think of ways that people I know should stay away.


              (Sia and I could become BFF.)


Meanwhile, I so fear being JUDGED so much, I am cleaning my house.

 

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#stress   #anxiety   #doubts 

Depression and the Importance of Dogs

I use to have three cats and a dog. I gave two cats to my daughter, and I had to put one down because he was ill and thinner than I had ever seen him. He was my favorite and he will always be my buddy- Ozzy.

 



Peaches is my current dog, a yellow lab who is my companion, friend, arm licker, excited to see me everyday, places muddy paw prints in the house, wants to go bye-bye, my stinker, sweetheart, angel, underfoot, but my pet. She is afraid of only the vacuum cleaner and never saw a squirrel she didn't want to chase down, or a dog walking down the sidewalk she didn't want to bark at. She will go ape over the mailman, and then gently bring me the mail wagging her tail. She loves old socks, soft washcloths and underwear.

Soon, I am going to have surgery and will have the longest rehab stay in a nursing facility in my life. It could be up to three months.  So is it any surprise, that I don't know what do about leaving my dog, even with someone I know.

A dog is the only thing on earth

that loves you more

 than you love yourself.

 

 -Josh Billings

Seaching for Inspiration

Today's post has little to do with depression.  It is about stopping and looking for inspiration. I am in love with texture and color in art, so I decided to take some photos of my own. I went to several locations in my own neighborhood and shot these photos. I am not much of a photographer, but I do like how these turned out.
SO... maybe it is helping to fight depression. A new skill is being developed, and I found some great things to see in my camera lens.  Enjoy.

 

Tomato Cages

Beatle Love

          
I went to a memorial Saturday night for my friend who recently died of cancer. On the re-play were mostly Beatles songs.

                                 Is there anything more timeless than a Beatles song?
                                All those girls were screaming- and rightly so.
                                These early songs are amazing- and so are plenty of
                                their older ones.

There are places I remember

All my life though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I've loved them all

 

Remember there is good in every life.

 

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#memorial   #justified  #missing you  #death  #life without you

#Beatles  #friends

Weird Things People Do

#1

I went out again tonight. I went down town to three different art galleries.
The first was by far the best, because the owner and I are friends, and she greeted me with a hug.  She believes in me and has had my work on display twice. She is a talented painter and and a genuinely nice person.

In the gallery were two other artists, and we all engaged in a friendly conversation and one woman kept trying to place me. She was saying she had heard my name, and happy to meet me. 
In our town, there is art center in which nearly every artist in town
passes through in the beginning of their art careers. The former director of this art center was a "character" who everyone seemed to like, until, one person was brave enough to say... "Well, I had a problem with her." and then one by one-- each person tells what happened to them, "accused of stealing" "told if I don't like it--go somewhere else" or "she tried to intimidate me." (All about the same woman.)

#2
So I moved to another gallery, and was happy to meet a quilter and felt her kindness even though I wasn't a big fan of her style of quilts. I am likely to send her an email to connect, because there are not very many devoted quilt-designers around in my town, and she has written a book and is giving classes on-line, both of which have been on my agenda. So
a chance meeting could be a good kick in the butt for me.

#3
My final stop was to go to the gallery opening of the most prolific artist in town, who has a formula, and paints abstracts on moving carts. He works on one for a while, then another, and some say he completes, up to twenty paintings a day this way.

                          Weird and mind boggling to ME!!!!!

What is the artist connection, when paintings are created in an assembly line and the hand makes three passages with paint, and moves to the next-- and to hear the artist tell it- he knows he isn't an artist. He just plays. This is his hobby-- he is a retired salesman, and that is what he is really good at. His painting go for $75-3,500+ so he is having fun.  One room had the studio set up as an actual studio space. The other was filled with sofas and a bar filled with wine and cognac. Sales are made better this way I assume. I waved to him, although he was chatting with a group of four woman and polishing his B.S., so I didn't speak to him, he briefly turned his head, and recognized me even though we hadn't seen each other in several years. 

"Did you see your quilt?" In his last studio, crumpled, next to the buffalo head and yet a third bar, he had an old quilt of mine, that he had purchased during a buying frenzy when he bought three of mine one evening. I wanted to say thanks for displaying it, but he was surrounded by all those women and I didn't want him to lose his mojo.

Aside from all this, the people I saw that I knew at the gallery, had no interest in chatting to me - so straight out of there I went. The best part was the freight elevator. The operator said it wasn't really working right- he closed two gates, to move it from floor to floor, it rattles the whole time, and then he lifted the entry gate only enough, so that you had to duck your head to exit.

My other favorite part of the evening was watching the young man on a skateboard, riding over old bricks roads, smoking, reading messages on his phone, and drinking an energy drink all at the same time.  Multi-tasking at its best.

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#weird evening  #artists  #art studio  #skateboard  #freight elevator #quilt  #Pandora's Box  #painting

Depression and Pain

Hit me over the head will you? Meditation??
Today's comment:
People with stress have more health problems. If you have been down from stress- then meditate. What? Meditation.
It's always something! My depression is better, but my pain is much worse.
Just walking my dog hurts a lot. But you have to move, sitting too long isn't good either. 
I try to spend 15 minutes every night with crystal in hand, removing my pain from my body. Imagery is used to pin-point the body parts (chakras) and clean each one. This was stupid hocus pocus to me for a long time. Now I am giving it a shot.  Imagery isn't just for art.
 What is Pranic Healing®

https://pranichealing.com/what-pranic-healing

Pranic Healing^® is a highly evolved and tested system of energy medicine developed by GrandMaster Choa Kok Sui that utilizes prana to balance, harmonize and transform the body's energy processes. Prana is a Sanskrit word that means life-force. This invisible bio-energy or vital energy keeps the body alive and maintains a state of good health.
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#depression and stress   #pain management   #feeling awful   #pranic healing   #self healing  #dealing with pain
#imagery